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29/09/2008 Go Mitch GoA friend of mine wrote this poem...thank you Jen for your beautiful words.
Go Mitch, go -- We'll rest on the Mountain. Tears are spooling from the Fountain. Go Mitch, go -- You brought us here To repentance and love, from doubt and fear. Go Mitch, go -- For we’ve come to the side Of the wounded Christ -- for the world who died. So, Go Mitch, go -- Swiftly from this world. Your suffering be over, our grief unfurled. Go Mitch, go – Oh, the happy golden shore! What a day it will be, house to house and door to door. Go Mitch, go -- The Balm of Gilead is there. Your Rock of Gibraltar, our Sweet Hour of Prayer. Go Mitch, go -- Way beyond the blue. Do Lord, oh do Lord, for me, for you! Go Mitch, go -- What a time we’ve had! Fly away suffering, for the morning is glad. Go Mitch, go -- You fair-haired boy Push on to glory, push on to joy. 27/09/2008 Grace and PeaceDeep cleansing breath......sigh. I have anticipated this day for several weeks now. I had my day all planned out....I would keep myself busy every moment that I could. Would you believe that at around 8:30 pm last night I came down with the stomache flu and now I sit too weak to do any of my planned activities. If I have learned anything over these last few years it is that God's plans and my plans are seldom the same........
I have been trying to think of words/phrases to "sum up" this last year. I have been at a loss. A few Sundays ago our pastor spoke on Grace and Peace. These words have stuck out like a sore thumb to me and it dawned on me that these 2 words could totally describe our year(oh there are many other words, but I will just focus on these for now.....).
First of all, in my opinion, you cannot experience true grace and peace but through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It has been His grace and His grace only that has carried us through these last devasting 12 months.
GRACE
I have seen and experience God's grace in many ways(I would have to say that grace is weighing in much heavier than peace for right now). So many that I cannot even begin to list them all, but I will share a few
First of all there is Meredith. Oh, I cannot even imagine what our life would be like if we had not had her.....She is pure(well, pretty close anyway) joy. She has made us put our feet on the floor each morning, she has made us laugh in our time of deepest grief. I often feel guilty at how easy of a child she is. Many have asked us how she has handled the loss of Mitchell...truth is she hasn't even skipped a beat. I do know she thinks of Mitchell and misses him. Since he passed away she has asked for every creature under the sun, a bird a hampster, a rabbit, a turtle, another dog and a fish. I vetoed the fish early on as I know they seem to have the shortest life span and I didn't think we could take another loss. Her new favorite color is blue and she always notices the number 18. Meredith lives in the present, not the past and not even the future and she is just plain happy....just a few minutes ago she came skipping through my room looking for the step stool. When I inquired what she planned on doing with it she said. "I am going to sing!" God shown His grace on us when He gave us Meredith Grace 9 years ago.
God has shown us His grace through many of you over the last 3 years. I cannot even begin to count how many cards, emails, text messages and phone calls that we have received. We KNOW we are loved and covered in an abundant amount of prayers from each of you. We will never be able to thank you enough or be able to describe in words what you each have meant to us. Just know we are more than grateful.
When I am kneeling at Mitchell's grave and I cry out in my pain and my own selfishness "Lord, why Mitchell, why MY boy, why did you ask this of OUR family!?" When I say to myself...." I do not care how many lives have been changed through our loss....mine has been ruined and I want MY son back!" God's grace IS suffifient as He allows me to be human and continiues to shower me with His love, telling me "Some day, my child, you WILL understand."
PEACE
I do not think I will experience true peace until I reach heaven. I have stuggled with allowing my self to feel joy and I think joy and peace go hand in hand. I have had days where I feel "good," when I tell myself Mitchell is SO good right now. He is free of pain and suffering, he does not have to face all of these earthly trials anymore. As a parent he is right where I would want to to be.........just a fews years later though. I am being patient, I have not expected peace to come anytime soon, I anticipate it and know some day it will come.
I received a letter in the mail this week from a lady in our church. I do not even really know her, we've only spoken a couple of times, but her note to us this week spoke so loudly and in a slight way brought me peace. This was one of her journal entries:
Oct. 1, 2007
Lord,
Forgive me for my childishness and my anger. My heart hurts for the Whitakers and their loss. My heart questions why. My emotions are dark and heavy yet in the midst of it all you are Lord and you have a plan. Help me accept your answer to our prayer.
Karen,
I have a GREAT plan...trust My goodness. Rejoice that this precious boy is with Me runnning, rejoicing and no longer in pain. He's no longer afraid. He is in my arms and I will be glorified. Human understanding cannot comprehend my goodness but you must trust that I know best. My kingdon will advance, my light will extend into lives, my peace and grace will be extended and all will have growth if they will allow it. Open your heart to my teacher Pain and learn from this. Learn that I allow that which will strengthen your character and your faith. Your faith grew yet when I took him your faith shrunk back as if death was a mistake. I overcame death at the cross and Mitchell crossed over from a life of pain to a place of perfection. A place you should long for. Instead, you are sad that I took him from darkness to light. Think about it! Earth is a growing/learning place, he learned what I placed him here to learn, and then I brought him home. You should rejoice that his hardships are over and that he ran a sprint and WON! I have called some to run endurance races, but some are put here to sprint. Run the race I have laid out before you. Focus on eternity. This life will pass away. Run a race that glorifies Me. Please Me in what you say and do. Do what I place before you with a good attitude and daily come and rest in my arms. Allow Me to restore your vision. Focus on eternity. Lift your head and see your Redeemer.
May we glorify God in all we do, may we run which ever race He places in front of us and may we all meet up in heaven again some day.
Grace and Peace to you all!
Tracy 21/09/2008 Still Fighting
Galations 6:9 “We must not become tired of doing good. We will receive our harvest of eternal life at the right time if we do not give up. When we have the opportunity to help anyone, we should do it.”
Dear Friends and Family, As many of you know, I completed my very first marathon on June 1st of this year. I ran with Team in Training through the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society to help raise awareness, as well as money to fight against blood cancers. But more importantly I ran in honor of my precious son, Mitchell, who lost his battle to leukemia September 27, 2007. When Mitchell was going through treatment he stated more than once that he wanted to become a doctor and find a cure for cancer. Although Mitchell did many great things in his 10 years of life, finding a cure was not one of them. For me, joining Team in Training is my way of continuing Mitchell’s dream of finding a cure. In January of 2009, I will turn 40(I know for some of you reading this that makes you feel REALLY old…). I have invited/challenged 40 of my girlfriends to join me in raising $144,000 for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society through Team in Training. Many of these girls stood by me as I watched Mitchell suffer through chemo and radiation for 2 years. Unfortunately, these treatments were not enough and we must fight to find a cure. Our group, appropriately named “Mitchell’s Angels,” will be running in the PF Chang’s Rock n’ Roll marathon in Phoenix, Arizona on January 18th. For many, this is their first endurance race for some their first try at running. I am in awe of their dedication to this endeavor and forever grateful that they are joining me in this journey. I asked before and I will ask again……are YOU up for the challenge? Please help “Mitchell’s Angels” reach our goal. Help us be the “light” at the end of the tunnel for those families facing this battle. We have set up a website: www.mitchellsangels.com. There you will find many ways to help out. Choose one or choose them all. J All proceeds will go the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society and are 100% tax deductible. Make checks payable to GOMITCHGO fund, this is so we can divide the money among the group, and mail to: GOMITCHGO Fund c/o Dona Whitaker, PO Box 1777, Choctaw, OK, 73020. You will be sent a receipt for your tax deduction information. It is hard to believe that it has almost been a year since Mitchell headed home into Jesus’ arms. Our lives have been changed forever. Our hearts will never be whole again here on Earth. God is good and has comforted us through your prayers and support. We covet your continued prayers as we carry on without Mitchell. Thank you for your generous support in helping to keep Mitchell’s dream of finding a cure alive. To learn more about Mitchell’s battle and to follow our marathon preparations, go to: http://www.gomitchgo.com . Sincerely, Tracy Whitaker http://pages.teamintraining.org/ok/pfchangs09/twhitaker 19/09/2008 REWIND - FAST Forward - Slow PlayHello Friends,
It has been awhile since I posted over here........
These are indeed trying days for Tracy and I. I have been blessed cursed with a pretty good memory......such that I can usually remember dates/places/people/emotions/music, etc quite clearly from most every month/year of my life. That is a blessing and a curse. As we enter the last "new" week, since Mitchell passed away.........I am "heavy" with all of the emotions that come to bear as I remember one year ago.
One year ago this very night..........was the worst night of my life. Dad and I took care of Mitchell and watched him go from bad to worse.....I truly felt like it was the tipping point when I knew that he was going to pass away because of his struggle. We were up, literally, all night because Mitchell was so sick from all the drugs they were pumping into him.......he was so weak........and there was nothing that anybody could do to help. There is no feeling so powerless as to see your very son suffer with no relief in sight. Earlier in that evening, Mitch was as great as he had been in a few weeks. He and I joked together and had regular conversation..........it was the last "normal" conversation I got to have with him. Within hours, he was getting much worse and as we tried to comfort him all through the wee hours of the morning........it was if hope had left my spirit.
The next morning we headed down to ICU for 2 1/2 incredibly difficult days.........and learned that Mitchell wasn't going to make it. At this point, for the most part, Mitchell could not communicate very well and I distinctly recall holding him close in one of the few moments in which he was awake and alert.............and I told him that he had done everything that he could do..........that I was proud of him...........that I loved him more than he would ever know........AND if, when he fell back asleep, he was to see Jesus.......or the Light........run to it. It was ok to quit.........you have run the race laid before you and I will be right behind you on the way to Heaven. The tears stream now as I write this just as hot........and stifling...........as they were a year ago.
The only legible words that I ever heard Mitchell say after that was on Monday, September 24th........3 days before his death.......after he had been incoherent for 2 days because of the drugs for pain..........as I whispered those same loving words in his ear..........he opened up those eyes and very plainly said with his trademark grit: "Keep Fighting". He then closed his eyes peacefully and was gone soon after.
You see it is a daily struggle to balance the memories of Mitchell's stuggle.........with the realization of the joy, peace, & love that he had in Christ.
In many ways, Mitchell's struggle is very much like our daily lives........depending on what we focus our eyes/ears/minds upon. Christ gift on the Cross is greater than a child that passes away, or illness, or a bad marriage, or abuse you may have suffered, or financial problems you may endure..........or all the other "stuff" that makes up this "life" we live as fallen people on this fallen earth. Christ is greater than all of that! He is the Alpha and Omega - the beginning and the end - and he sees how all the pieces fit in place because He is the Author of it all. Although we live in a fallen world in which "bad things happen to good people"...........Christ can work through all that is wrong........to make it right.......for His Glory......through the Cross. Amen!
Christ is calling out to each one of us........."it is ok, i am so proud of you, i love you...........you can quit and let me handle it"............and I can't think of anything that makes more sense in this life than to listen, and try to follow, Him.
We love you all - please continue to pray for us........john 08/09/2008 Light the Night**************SAVE**THE**DATE****************************************************
Please join us as Team Whitaker walks in honor and memory of Mitchell:
Date: Sat. Sept. 20th
Time: 5:30ish
Place: University Health Club, 1000 N Lincoln Blvd.(10th & Lincoln)OKC, OK
Wear your GOMITCHGO t-shirt. If you need one, we will have them there to sell for $10, all proceeds go to Leukemia/Lymphoma Society.
Hope to see you there! 01/09/2008 Setember.......As we head into September, my heart can't help but be heavy. In 26 days we will reach our one year "mark." I have relived that day in my head more times than I can remember and I am sure I will for days, months and years to come. I hate to remember.....I would hate to ever forget. The year went by so fast, even though so many of the days seemed endless......One year down...............many more to go. This morning I sat in my "quiet spot," the chair in Mitchell's room, to read my devotions. Again, I was amazed at my Heavenly Father's words to me about this first day of September and I wanted to share them with you.
"SEEK ME with your whole being. I desire to be found by you, and I orchestrate the events of your life with that purpose in mind. When things go well and you are blessed, you can feel Me smiling on you. When you encounter rough patches along your life-journey, trust that My Light is still shining upon you. My reasons for allowing these adversities may be shrouded in mystery, but My continual Presence with you is an absolute promise. Seek Me in hard times. You will find Me watching over you all the time."
I have experienced this absolute promise of His continual presence each day. He has not left my side and I shall uphold my end by continuing to seek Him.
We are forever grateful for each one of you and your love and support shown to us over these last few years. Thank you for being the body of Christ to us. May God bless and keep each one of you.
Much love,
Tracy
PS stay tuned to our blog for some exciting events going on with Team Whitaker. |
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