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16/11/2009 Unexpected emotionsTonight I find myself experiencing an emotion that I had not experienced......and tried to avoid during Mitchell's illness and then after his death. I am almost embarrassed and ashamed to admit it, but I feel that maybe if I let it out in words I will feel better and maybe it will go away.....Tonight I am experiencing anger.....anger towards God. This evening I read a story about a man, a father, here in town, who killed his 9 year old son, yes I said KILLED and later heard about a woman, a mother(in another state) that sold her 5 year old daughter to be a sex object and later they found the little girl's dead body. I am not sure if I can even put my feelings into words right now. In hearing this, I felt nauseated, a lump came up in my throat and I had to fight back the tears. So many thoughts came into my head.....one word kept repeating itself in my head.....WHY. Why in the world were these people allowed to be parents?! Why was this man allowed to have a son when obviously he was not father material, while was my son taken from me......WHY was this man allowed to be a father when we have a precious friend, a father of four, lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life after suffering a brain injury. Why was this woman allowed to have a precious daughter, when my friend is not able to have babies... WHY!? I have not been one to ask God why......I believe that He loves me and that He knows and wants what's best for me. This emotion tonight came as a shock to me, I just do not understand. Do not misunderstand me.....I am not turning away from God I do still believe He loves me and His plan is what is best for my life. But I am after all only human. Some days I wish my time to meet Jesus would come soon so I could get my questions answered. No special encouragement from me tonight.........just a mother missing her boy, wishing he were here and wondering WHY me? 19/09/2009 Make a wish......MauiTomorrow morning I will be running the Maui Half Marathon with Team in Training to honor Mitchell. I had an idea that this would be an emotional trip and an amazing place......and I have been proven correct on both accounts. This was the place that Mitchell wanted to take his Make A Wish trip.....but we never made it. 2 years ago today we were wheeling into the PICU at OU Medical Center......trying desperately to save a life that Christ had already called home. 2 years ago today....as I watched him fight, claw, battle, and suffer.....was the first time that I told him that it was "Ok.....to let go. If you see Christ.....if you see a Light.....just run to it. We will be just behind you.....and we are so proud of you, son." Time keeps moving on.....but the love of Christ remains the same. His good, pleasing and perfect will continues to play out in this life regardless of our circumstances. He has shown me much in the weeks leading up to this event.....and I don't know if I have ever felt closer to Him than I do right now. The Lord MOVED me this morning while listening to Matt Redmans new release "we shall not be shaken". Tears streamed down my face as I worked out.....as the words from this great artist became mine. Father.....I love you. Father.....thank you for this life you have given me. Father.....thank you for giving your Son for me. Father.....thank you giving your Son for my Son. Father.....thank you for giving me Mitchell....and allowing me to see YOUR love for me through my relationship with him. Father.....I praise you for working in my life.....feet made of clay....failures on display....but fighting to the end. I love you.....You are mighty to save, You alone are worthy, and Your love never fails. GoMitchGo.....keep fighting. 10/09/2009 A few thoughtsI have had a few people ask me why I haven't blogged lately.......I guess for a couple of reasons.
1) The Team Whitaker household is quite busy! Work, school, homework, dance, Team in Training, PTO, LLS etc. calls our names daily. John and I have also founded the Go Mitch Go Foundation in Mitch's honor and we are busy planning our 2nd Annual Go Mitch Go golf tournament(to be held Oct. 5th @ the Shawnee Country Club).
2) We are now almost 2 years out from Mitch's passing.......some days the pain is still as strong as if it just happened, but there has been healing. I can only speak for myself, but I think John would agree, we have less tearful days which I guess could be labled "good" days. So when it's been a "good" day it's hard to sit down and blog......blogging most always make me cry.
In 17 days it will be 2 years since Mitchell went to his heavenly home..........I cannot beleive it. Time has flown yet for us in a sense it is frozen. Last month Meredith turned 10...... she is growing like a weed. I told her one day before her birthday that I didn't think I would be able to let her turn 10. Her reply: "You let Mitchell." We are frozen at age 10 with Mitchell.........I have watched his buddies all grow, some of their voices are even changing.......we still have size 8/medium clothes and size 2 1/2 shoes hanging in the closet. Some day the time will come when we will have been without him longer than we had him with us.......that makes me sad.
We continue to have an amazing amount of support and we feel very blessed. The other day I was cleaning out a closet and came across a huge stack of cards, I have been collecting them since Mitchell passed away. These are cards sent just to me, I decided I would count them.......232(I received 2 they day I was counting). Do I ever feel loved! These women who sent them to me some are good friends others I do not even know, but each time their words have been just what I needed. I beleive they were being obedient to God as He gave them words to say or put the perfect card in their sight.
The card I received that day was no exception.......the words were just what I needed to hear. I want to share that with you.
The card read: "The most beautiful stones have been tossed by the wind and washed by the water and polished to brilliance by life's stongest storms."
She gave me a scripture reminding me that God wants to replace our ashes with beauty.......not put it on top of the ashes but replace them all together.
Isaiah 61:3 "To grant [consolation and joy]to those who mourn in Zion-to give them an ornament[a garland or diadem]of beauty INSTEAD of ashes, the oil of joy INSTEAD of mourning, the garment[expressive] of praise INSTEADof a heavy, burdened and failing spirit-that they may be called oaks of righteousness[lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified".
Wow! I should be amazingly beautiful by the time I die!
 Praise the Lord for His love for us! We have had a couple of people send us this song just today. I am warning you, you will need a box of kleenex. This song was written by Steven Curtis Chapman who lost his 5 year old daughter in a car accident. I have heard a lot of songs since Mitch passed away, but this one not only spoke to my heart, it spoke the words of my heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9JTwJ_1lzE
Much Love,
Tracy 03/07/2009 It IS about what's waiting on the other side.........I have listened to my share of Radio Disney.......in fact I know the words to many of the songs......which is good and bad. I do want to know what Meredith is listening to however, sometimes I cannot get those songs out of my head.
 I have been thinking about one particular song by Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montanna, "The Climb." It is actually a good song, but I have some different thoughts about it than Miss Cyrus. Here are the lyrics to the chorus:Always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna want to try to make it move.
Always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side.
It's the Climb.
Life is a climb.....we are surrounded by mountains, some big, some small, some that are new others that we climb daily. Some provide beautiful scenery and a peaceful place to pitch our tents to take a rest. Some a not so grand scenery with many "rocks" or "cliffs" that we must manuever. However, sometimes we do not even realize we are crossing these mountains except when we feel weak. It is on these mountains where friends and family can help us with encouragement and even a hand to hold, but ultimately it is only God who can get us to the top. "I will lift my eyes to the hills-from whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, maker of Heaven and earth."Psalm 121:1-2
So I beg to differ with Miss Cyrus as she states "Ain't about what's on the other side," for me it's ALL about what/or who is on the other side. Yes, life is a climb, it is during our journey that we learn many lessons, when we grow and transform into the person that God wants us to be. But it's knowing what awaits me on "the other side" that gives me HOPE to complete my journey. I have a "room" prepared just for me, by my Lord, Jesus Christ, where I will pitch my tent and rest eternally with Him........hopefully right next to Mitch's room......
Go and climb those moutains, but remember it's not all about the climb, but about what IS waiting for you when you finish!
Happy 4th of July!
Tracy
20/06/2009 Reality bites........I have been laying in bed awake now for the last hour and a half........it has been a while since I have been awake at this time......I use to wake up often between 2:30 and 3 am after Mitchell passed away. It's also been awhile since I have had trouble sleeping. I have been thinking about my schedule for the next few weeks...trying to plan each day and each moment to make sure things run smoothly, to make sure I am fitting everything I need to into each day and to make sure I am pleasing everyone involved in my schedule along the way. Truth is, I have been struggling with my schedule lately.......my list of "to do things" seems to get longer and longer, I have been shifting things to the next day quite often, I have found myself sitting more or at least wanting to sit more and doing less. And then I get mad at myself for not being more productive.....wondering what in the world is wrong with me! Moms do it all of the time, they work full-time jobs and come home to tend to their families and household chores and get up the next day and do it all over again. I have friends who are single moms that do it day after day....do they struggle like i am? I was tempted to ask my doctor at my "yearly" check up if these are symptoms of turning 40, maybe thats the reason for my struggles. As I lay in bed, shifting around my schedule in my head, getting all stressed out saying to myself "Tracy, what is wrong with you...people do this ALL of this time, you can do it!" I looked at the clock 2:40am.......ugh it hit me......almost 21 months ago now at this time we were awaken by the bell of Mitchell's monitor going off......we began to watch our son take his last few breaths...... The other night John and I went to go visit Mitch, I had not been in a while and we had not been together for some time. As we walked away hand in hand I began to weep....I could no longer hold it in and I feel like i can no longer hold it all together. I have been striving for sometime now to reach "normal" and I have to say I have done a pretty good job at it....we as a family have done a pretty good job at it. I have gone back to work(2 different jobs), we are involved in church and school, we are heavily involved the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society and have even started our own foundation in honor of Mitchell. All to get back to "normal".....or maybe more so to feel normal. We have done such a good job that people now just expect it from us. If you saw us and did not know our story you would never know that we lost a child to cancer, but for those who have Superman's x-ray vision you would see it clearly, right there on our hearts our Mitchell size hole still remains. I debated on posting this.....I usually like to quote scripture and say something positive.....tonight(or actually this morning)I don't have it in me. MY REALITY is that the precious being that once grew INSIDE of me......right under my heart, who I watched grow and blossom for 10 years and 4 months is no longer here with me.......my son has DIED. And sometimes I have to say those words out loud because in my attempt to be normal I mask my reality. For us, on August 11, 2005 we stopped being "normal" when we began to fight cancer and on September 27, 2007 when we watched our son lose his battle to cancer we surpassed the chance of ever being labeled norman again. So maybe I should cut myself a little slack now and then.......thank you for being my "sounding board." Off to bed.....my to do list begins in 1 1/2 hours........ 15/06/2009 Beginning the "sorting" processI knew this day would come....thought it might come sooner, also thought it might be easier if we waited....I have now learned after losing a child sometimes your thougths are way off....
Today I began the process of sorting through some of Mitchell's things. Meredith came to me a few weeks ago, after looking through Pottery Barn Teen, with a drawn out plan, down to the paint colors, of what she wanted to do with Mitchell's desk. First, let me give you some background on the desk. I found it at a garage sale about 6 years ago and I painted it just for Mitchell and put baseball and basketball knobs on it. He loved it and used it and I was so proud of it. I told Meredith that I would think about it......but after her asking me DAILY if I had thought about it I told her we could clean it out, but I could not paint it just yet and would think about changing the knobs.
So today the sorting began....actually I tried to do a little sorting yesterday with his shoes.......needless to say they are ALL still in his closet. I have "sorted" my kids things with them quite often so they know the routine. When we started Meredith said "Should I get a bag for trash." With a lump in my throat I said "Yes." with no intentions of throwing anything away. It took us 1 1/2 hrs and much strength not to cry and not to save every little thing. Who knew that throwing away a pencil would be SO hard, but its not the pencil, but more importantly the precious hand that once held it......oh, to just hold that hand once more....I am sure by now he would think he was too old to hold my hand. Speaking of holding hands this reminds me of another Meredith story. About 4 years ago, I had just picked up Meredith from VBS(Vacation Bible School) this was the year that Mitchell was first getting sick so he did not go to VBS. As we were getting ready to cross the street I reached down to grab Meredith's hand to which she replied to me "Oh I don't need to hold your hand I've got God with me." I explained that I knew God was with her, but God gave you a mom to also keep you safe.
 Today, she often reaches out for my hand.....I dread the day she will feel too old to hold my hand. How often I have thought I was too big and strong to hold on toGod's hand.........I was listening to my ipod the other day while running(and was again reminded why I do not listen to music and run) the song "He is with You" by Mandisa came on.....it brought me to tears and almost to my knees. Just a reminder that God has created a time for everything under the sun and NO MATTER WHAT we are going through GOD IS WITH US! Back in December 2007 I wrote an entry on Ecclesiastes things have changed a bit.....
"....a time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance....."(Ecclesiastes 3:4) I do not think our time for mourning is over and there is still many days of crying, but I do think we have more laughter or that we allow ourselves to laugh more......I have never had rythm to dance so that time probably won't come for me til Heaven
 "......a time to start looking and and time to stop looking, a time to keep and a time to throw away....."(Ecclesiastes 3:6) I feel it is time to put some things away...even throw away some things. It is SO incredibly hard. Lord, please give us wisdom to know what to keep and what to toss and the strength to let them go......even the smallest things....like a pencil.
".....a time to tear apart and a time to sew together....." (Ecclesiastes 3:7) The tear was so big I wasn't sure it could ever be sewn back together, but I do feel like the stitching has began. I am thankful that the stitches will be visible and the scars will always remain to remind us of our beautiful son and the great love of our Heavenly Father.
We completed cleaning out the desk I asked Meredith what she planned on putting in it. She replied "Oh, I don't know what I am going to put in it I just wanted to use the top." Enough sorting for today......
Please keep us in your prayers as we begin the process of sorting. Thanks for your continual support.
Much love,
Tracy
PS On the bottom of the middle drawer was sweet Mitchell's signature....what a precious treasure to find. 07/06/2009 May and MeredithWell, we made it through May......I did hibernate to some degree. Not so much staying in just staying "clear." I did a lot more texting and emailing instead of calling, I didn't even call my mother weekly like I normally do(sorry mom), all to avoid answering that question so often asked "How are you?" San Diego residents have a saying for May due to the many cloudy days they call it May Grey....Team Whitaker had a Grey May. However, I will say we did have some great events. Mitchell's birthday celebration at the OU baseball game was amazing! We had a great turnout and thanks to Power Roofing we donated close to $4200 more to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in Mitch's honor. On May 22nd Mitchell's classmates promoted on to 6th grade/Jr. High. John and I attended the special ceremony. It was bitter sweet, we have watched many of these kids....Mitch's buddies....grow up for the last 6 years so we were proud of them, but I couldn't help but try to picture Mitch up there on stage with them, wondering how tall he would be, how he would be wearing his hair, what awards he would have won etc. They did a special tribute to Mitchell, it was nice for John and I to see this. I think we feel so many times that Mitchell is forgotten, but they let us know that he is still a very big part of them as well. I am so grateful that God provided the opportunity for my kids to go to Bethany Elementary......it has been a huge blessing to our lives. So, I will admit that I was glad to see May behind us....Welcome June and summertime! And now Meredith, I LOVE having her home with me. She is so fun and SO funny and she is SO ready to be in the 5th grade. She has even printed off the supply list for next year already, we have already purchased her "bag" not a backpack because 5th graders do not use backpacks. It makes me sad how excited she is.....if she could snap her fingers or wiggle her nose to become 16 I really think she would. Funny story, the other day she asked me how old she had to be to start wearing make-up, I told her she could not wear it before 7th grade. She then replied "because by then I will be matured and will get my puberty?" To this I said "What do you think happens when you get your puberty?" She said "My voice will get lower." :) Yes, I know, I am planning on having "the talk" this summer, but it sure made me laugh. I was reminded in that moment, after sitting and sulking for the month of May....feeling robbed of my joy with the loss of Mitchell, that we do still have laughter and joy, that God is not finished with us yet and we will continue to look to Him to guide our steps. Praise the Lord for new months and Praise the Lord for Meredith Grace. Remember to count your blessings! Much love, Tracy 12/05/2009 Motherhood, timelines and celebrating MitchSunday marked my second Mother's day without Mitch.....it was and probably forever will be a bitter sweet day. I adore Meredith and feel so amazingly blessed to have her around, she brings joy and laughter to our home each day. But my heart longs to have Mitch, to see how big he would be now and to just hug on him.
I was sitting at a stop light the other day and watched a mother bird gather twigs for her nest for her babies...it reminded me of how important mothers are. I remember when it first hit me that motherhood was a HUGE job and perhaps one that I was WAY underqualified for. I had taken Mitchell in for his 3 month check up. I had been concerned because he wasn't lifting his head as much as I thought (and study in school) he should. PLUS he had this funky stuff on his tongue. The doctor's reply to his head situation was....."Have you seen his head? He is in the 90th percentile in size, that is a big, heavy head to lift." He was not concerned. The tongue thing was thrush(a yeast build-up) and he was due for a shot or two. I walked out into the lobby with a screaming baby only in his diaper and with a bright purple tongue. By the time I passed through the people starring at me in the lobby I was crying. I was thinking, this was not as easy and fun as I had thought it would be, this was not what I had planned and I was not sure I could do it. Obviously those were just "new mom" thoughts that I got over because I did it again.
 This past week Meredith had to do a timeline for class. From her birth up to now....age 9. She LOVED looking at the old pictures.....it broke my heart. So many pictures of me being Mitch's mom of John being his dad and Meredith being his sis......I felt robbed looking at them. I did not want to be done being Mitchell's mom....I still have mothering in me for him. I want Meredith to have her brother and John his son. Besides, what other 9 year old had to put the death of a brother on their timeline?! This was NOT what I had planned for her timeline.....or Mitch's....or mine......
Motherhood....heck, life has definetly not been what I had planned nor do I understand it most days. I was reminded of a scripture that I have hidden in my heart since I was a young girl and recently came across it again during my devotions.
Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding."
I have needed to be reminded lately to place my confidence in the Lord, to seek Him for my well-being and sense of security. So many times we place our trust in other things and people and even in ourselves and in the end we are let down. Loving and trusting God does not mean a lifetime of smooth sailing. I read this lately and it hit home
".......a blessing is not the only proof of God's love. Discipline and reproof are also signs of God's loving affirmation in our lives. The difficult times of our lives may be the source of more blessing than the good times if we are ready to learn(wisdom)from the painful as well as the pleasant circumstances of life."
One of my favorite tasks as a mother is to plan the kid's birthday parties. Friday Mitchell would be 12......it will be the second birthday we have "celebrated" without him. Last year I planned a small party this year the planning has been in someone else's hands. We hope you will come join us for this very special night as we honor Mitch. ( See John's entry below). We look forward to celebrating with our family and friends.
01/05/2009 OU vs Texas AM - May 15th - Norman - 6pmDear friends, Friday, May 15th is going to be a very special day for Team Whitaker and the Leukemia Lymphoma Society of Oklahoma. As many of you know, the OU Baseball program - especially the coaching staff, has been very special to our family while Mitchell was in treatment, during his last days, and since his passing. Last year, Head Coach - Sunny Golloway, changed his uniform number to #18 in Mitchell's honor for the entire season. This was done so that Mitch would see all the ballparks that he would have played in as a Sooner. If you don't understand how significant that is.....then you don't really understand baseball :) Furthermore, there is a framed "Whitaker - 18" game jersey in the OU baseball lockerroom that the players pass everyday. This year, OU contacted us with an offer that we couldn't refuse. Power Roofing (www.powerroofing.net) pledged $50 for every homerun would be donated to the OU Baseball charity of choice. OU Baseball selected the Leukemia Lymphoma Society in Mitch's honor. Every time that OU hits a dinger....the radio/PA announcer declares: "That homerun means that Power Rooding just donated $50 to the Leukemia Lymphoma Society in Mitchell Whitaker's honor....." Obviously, 2009 has been a great year with Team Whitaker fundraising and roofing companies! PowerRoofing and Heartland Roofing - OKC are making a difference in battling this disease. To date, OU has hit 74 home runs and the team record of 114 is within reach! PowerRoofing will be making an honorary check presentation that night...Mitchell's 12th birthday. We are encouraging all of our friends to show up to the park, WEAR BLUE for MITCH, get loud, and show support for OU Baseball/Power Roofing. When: May 15 - 6pm Where: L Dale Mitchell Ballpark - OU What: OU vs A&M - PowerRoofing/LLS/GoMitchGo Night Why: To raise money for a cure, give thanks, & wear blue 19/04/2009 Put one foot in front of the other......My title reminds me of a song from the old "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" movie........anyway....Team Whitaker has been crazy busy, more so than usual. I really don't like to be too busy...I am not sure what John means when he tells me I create my own craziness......
 Last week I had the opportunity to go home to my parent's house in Nebraska. It was a refreshing and well needed retreat. There are 2 things I love most about going home 1)spending time with my family and 2)the simplicity of being in a town with a population of 186(my parents moved outside of the city after all of us kids were out of the house). I was able to head out for a run a couple of mornings, due to the location I run on the open highway(it's not a busy one) and get to take in the fresh air....actually the "farm air." I really enjoy it, there is a sense of freedom yet an even bigger sense of God's presence when I am out in "nature" and this always makes me feel closer to Mitch as well. I had some time to think while on my runs....this is usually my time to talk to God and think about Mitch and life in general, but due to my busyness these times have been fewer and farther in between. I miss them......I got to thinking about how easy it was to run on the highway, I ususally stay on the pavement due to fear of holes and what might crawl out of the holes in the grass, it was smooth and straight for miles. This path is unlike many paths we travel in life(or unlike many roads here in OK...). Many are bumpy or curvy or narrow or my favorite detoured due to a road block or construction. No matter the condition of the road many times it MUST be traveled.
The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8
Notice He does not say the smoothest or easiest but the BEST. Many times we would choose the quickest and easiest, the one that is for sure less painful and most beneficial to us. Although John nor I would have chosen this path for our lives, we have definetly seen God's work and love along it.
Another thought I had regarding roads and running is you do not get anywhere running in place....sure you can burn a few calories but you are still in the same place you started and you are getting no where. I have shared many times that the Lord Himself puts my feet on the floor each morning. Not only does He choose my path, but He also guides my every step, watching over me each and every day.
Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found. Psalm 119:35
The path of the wise leads to life above; they leave the grave behind. Proverbs 15:24
I do not want to spend my days running in place and avoiding the roads less traveled. Praise the Lord! He WILL see me through!
On another note.......Running has become my purpose in life.......actually it is the fact that I am running to raise money for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society in Mitch's honor to spread awareness and to help find a cure. We have now made our Go Mitch Go an official foundation and will be sharing more details about that later. Below you will find the speech I shared with a group of people at a Team in Training event recently. If you do not have a cause that you are involved in I invite you to join ours. Put one foot in front of the other and make a difference in someone's life today.
I ran my first marathon with TNT in San Diego June of 2008. Next to being pregnant and having babies, it was the most physically challenging thing I have ever done. I had a great experience. I’m not sure what other runners do with their medals, but I placed mine where I felt was most appropriate, I placed mine on the headstone of my honored hero, my son, Mitchell. Mitchell was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in August of 2005. He had what we called the “vanilla” of leukemia, very basic and had a 90% chance of survival. However, Mitchell did not follow the norm and he was labeled a “slow responder.” Because of this we headed down the heavy and hard chemo road. Mitchell was a trooper. He did what he had to do and usually had a smile on his face. And we all adjusted to a new normal. After many spinal taps, bone marrow aspirations, what seemed like gallons of chemo and way too many nights in the hospital Mitchell finally went into remission. He was able to attend most of his 3rd grade year. He was back to playing sports, in fact, he had a great baseball season. He basically was able to return to being a kid. His hair had even grown back. We seemed to be returning to our pre-normal state. But almost 2 years to the date he was first diagnosed we received news that Mitchell had relapsed. The cancer was back. Due to the fact that Mitchell had seen just about every chemo used to kill the leukemia cells, the doctors were in search for a new drug to rid Mitchell’s body of the leukemia. Mitchell put on his fighting gear and we headed back into the ring. This time it was different, this time Mitchell was sicker and after a month of treatment the leukemia had hardly budged and other complications had set in. After giving it his all, on September 27, 2007 Mitchell handed in his boxing gloves for a pair of wings. As parents you start making decisions for your children even before they are born. You choose their name, what color their first room will be, what they will wear and eat each day. Never did I plan on making the decision of what to put on my son’s headstone. Mitchell was a great kid. He was a tenderhearted, sweet, polite blue-eyed boy. In fact, when we would check into the hospital the nurses would fight over who got him for a patient. He was smart, funny and competitive. It was almost impossible to play board games with him……he hated to lose. He was the most courageous 10yr old I know. Mitchell had said many times during treatment that he wanted to become a doctor and find a cure for cancer. My husband, John and I would often tell Mitchell to “Keep Fighting!” and he did right to the end. 3 days before Mitchell passed away, after he had been unresponsive for a few days, Mitchell spoke his last words. He opened his eyes and clearly said “Keep fighting!” These words have now become my purpose. THIS IS WHY I RUN. TNT is not just about getting in shape or conquering a physical challenge. It’s about fighting for someone else when they can’t. TNT is not about having the best running shoes or the perfect running gear (however, a good pair of shoes is very important). It’s about raising the awareness that blood cancers are taking lives……even those that have only lived for 10 short years. TNT is not just about the change it will make in your own life. It’s about the difference YOU WILL make in someone else’s life. It made a difference in ours……because of the efforts made through research from the funds raised through the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society and Team in Training, we were given 2 extra years with our son that we would not have had. Lace up your shoes, put one foot in front of the other and join us in finding a cure!
Much love,
Tracy 07/03/2009 That darn Lego magazine and precious pennies......About every 2-3 months we receive the Lego Club magazine addressed to Mitchell Whitaker, Mitchell had subscribed to it some time back. Every time I reach in and pull it out of the mail box my heart sinks down to my toes. I usually rub my fingers over his sweet name and thumb threw it to see what I think Mitchell might like and then it sits on the counter for a few days. I go back and forth with what to do with it...I have given it to one of his buddies before, but then I didn't know if maybe it made him have some of the same feelings I had about it. I will lay it on his desk in his room and eventually I will put it in the stack of the others in his closet. Why oh WHY is it so hard to throw it away?! Mitchell is not going to ever look at it and Meredith is not into Legos. We still have his big Rubbermaid container of Legos sitting on the floor in his closet and on a shelf in his closet sits in a baggie holding his last structure of Legos. I remember the night he worked so hard to complete it. It was the day after he had his lunges drained. He had been in so much pain prior to having this done that he was unable to do anything except lie in bed. His surgery was on a Monday and Tuesday was the first day in weeks that he felt good enough to sit up and someone had brought him a new Lego to build. He was so detemined to finish it. I could tell he was getting tired and told him he could finish it tomorrow, but he did not want to...finally he became too tired and weak to continue so we placed it in a bag for him to finish the next day. He didn't get to finish it the next day....I do not recall why, but by Thursday he was in ICU......and well most of you know the story from there....he didn't have anymore good days.
Maybe that is why I can't seem to throw that darn magazine away, it is a reminder of one of the lasts days Mitchell "played" and talked and was ok......
I have had kind of a yucky week ever since that magazine came. Friday we celebrated the life of John's Grandpa here on earth as we said our goodbyes to him, he is now with Jesus and Mitch. As we drove home from the funeral home I was thinking how I was jealous of Grandpa.....he is getting to see Mitch.....oh and Jesus(I am glad that the Lord knows I am just human.......in my human nature my first thoughts are of seeing Mitch when I get to heaven....I am just being honest).
Pennies from Heaven
I am not sure if i have shared the "penny" story or not, if I have please forgive me for repeating myself. After Mitchell passed away, his best friend's teacher told him that every time he saw a penny on the ground that was a "hello" from heaven. I shared this with Meredith and we have been collecting pennies ever since then. They show up at the craziest times, yet at the times we need them the most. Friday night we had a school function, Family Fun Night, it is still hard for John and I to attend things at times, especially things that we went to with Mitch or where we know his friends will be, but we know we need to do things for Meredith and this was one of those things. As the night ended and we were heading home I was feeling sad, John had shared with me earlier that he had a sad day as well, when we walked in the door I suddenly felt something in my left shoe. I had these shoes on all evening and had felt nothing all night until this moment, I took my shoe off and what do you think I found......it was a penny! We all just grinned...it was a perfect ending of a not so great week.
God continues to show us in many ways His mighty love for us and for that we are grateful. 23/02/2009 Those little reminders..........Tonight I sit here typing with the aroma of Johnson and Johnsons' baby lotion on my hands and tears in my eyes. When I was putting Meredith to bed or maybe I should say rushing to get her to bed so I could finish up folding laundry and get myself into bed, she told me her feet were dry. My response was "put lotion on them." Then she asked if I would rub her feet with lotion.......... At first I was a little annoyed...I had things to do, but I did it anyway. As I rubbed Meredith's little feet(that aren't all that little anymore....)I closed my eyes and inhaled....if you remember back, this was a 'special' thing I did for Mitch each night before he would go to sleep in the hospital or I would do it to help him to calm down if he were upset.......all of the sudden the laundry could wait. She asked me how come my eyes were closed, I simply said I was remembering when I did this for Mitchell....she then said "Are you going to cry?" I didn't, but am fighting the tears back now.....
I checked in on a friend today on her website and found this so fitting for my days lately. I was annoyed that Meredith couldn't put her own lotion on, but her 'piggys' were where my attention needed to be tonight......not on the laundry and whatever else may have been on my to do list.
Remember to kiss those piggys goodnight......it IS a BLESSING.
I am studying the book of Esther with some friends. I learned something new this morning. Before Mordecai made Esther aware of the edict against her people, her biggest problem was probably deciding what to wear, or what to serve at the next banquet. When she was confronted with a life and death situation, those other things ceased to matter.
I remember one day when Anna was sick, Jacob came to me and confessed that he had broken one of the bowls I had gotten as a wedding present. Before Anna was sick, I would have lectured him and then made him use a plastic bowl. On that day I said "That's okay, get another bowl." When faced with life and death, broken bowls aren't important. There was also a time when the neighbors got upset because of a car parked in front of their house. I remember thinking, "Why does that matter? Don't you have anything else to get upset about?" "Here's the trap...If we distance ourselves long enough from real needs, we replace them with those that aren't...We are wise to force ourselves to keep differentiating between simple inconveniences and authentic tribulations. The more detached and self-absorbed we become, the more we mistake annoyances for agonies." ("Esther" by Beth Moore, p 92) I read that this morning and immediately thought of socks. Yesterday when I went to get Will at gymnastics he couldn't find his socks. His shoes were in the cubby, but his socks were no where to be found. My response was to treat this like an "authentic tribulation". I couldn't believe that he could lose ANOTHER pair of socks. Doesn't he know that I can't just keep buying socks? Why doesn't he take better care of his socks? Doesn't he know that socks don't grow on trees???? I was ANGRY!!!! Why did that bother me so much? Would it have bothered me if I had something more important to be concerned about? How many times do we let little things bother us when they are nothing compared to genuine problems? Have I forgotten what is important? Have I forgotten to be thankful for a boy who is healthy enough to go to gymnastics? Obviously I have. I don't want to forget the lessons I learned from Anna. I want to stay changed. I don't want to fall apart over missing socks.
"Lord help me remember what life and death feels like. Don't let me lose what I have gained. Forgive me for being concerned about things that aren't important rather than things that are. Don't let me become detached from the suffering of others as I lick my own wounds. Don't let me get away with treating inconveniences as tribulations. Don't leave me to myself. Continue the good work that you began in me." 17/02/2009 So many thoughts......so little time.....I was asked last week by one of my friends what the "deal" was.....why hadn't I written on the blog is so long. Truth is I have wanted to, but I have had SO many thoughts that it has been hard to condense it on to "paper."
Upon returning from the marathon in Phoenix, I needed some "down time." It was SO SO amazing and I was SO SO overwhelmed with emotions. My heart has been on quite the rollercoaster over these last few weeks. As I said, the marathon was truly amazing......I thought John did a great job describing the weekend.....well, for the most part anyway. He was a trooper keeping up with all of us women. My girlfriends threw me the most beautiful surprise birthday party.....and i was REALLY surprised that out of 49 women not one of them spilled the beans......I wasn't expecting anything because to me they had already given me the best birthday gift when they signed up to run a marathon in Mitch's honor. But is was awesome and I loved every moment of it.
I will have to say my favorite part of the whole weekend was getting to greet many of the girls as they crossed the finish line. After I finished, I was able to sweet talk my way back up to the finish line area, my calf muscles were so sore because I waited standing on my tip toes....I didn't want to miss a single angel passing by. I loved screaming their name and running to hug them as they crossed that finish line. It was more emotional for some than others as they finished what they set out to do, as they stepped outside of their comfy zones and took my challenge to step into an unknown zone. All 49 crossed that finish line.......it was amazing beyond words...They honored Mitchell with beauty and grace and raised over $200,000 to help us find a cure. I will forever be grateful for them.
The week that we returned was hard for me.....it seemed every where I looked/went there were reminders of Mitchell and him being gone and I felt alone. I have missed my Saturday runs with my girlfriends during these days not only could I see the support, but I could feel it as well. Life around us goes on....we try to, but even 17 months later we seem at a standstill most days.
Maybe this is why I have not sat and written. It is hard to put heartache into words....it is hard to admit that 17 months later I am still struggling, still feel the pain and still wanting to ask God WHY?
But I am also still resting in His mighty hands.......hoping....knowing He will carry me through.
John and I continue to be overwhelmed by the support shown to us. In a world with so much hate and ugliness, you have showered us with love and beauty. We have some neat things happening with Team Whitaker and we look forward to sharing our new adventure with you soon.
Much love,
Tracy 20/01/2009 Friends, Footsteps, Fighting, & "Feenix"Greetings all.....i hope this note finds you finds each of you well. I am reporting this glorious morning on my last day in Phoenix......the temporary home of Mitchell's Angels and site of their most recent triumph! (pics to follow later)
As many of you can see as you have followed this blog......I haven't been writing nearly as much......I have just been "living" with nothing amazing to report. However, as I was awakened this morning by the creaking sound of nasal passages tightening around 530am.......I had time to reflect while enjoying a 2nd morning of lactic acid build up in my legs! LOL (Lactic Acid - it's not just for breakfast anymore?)
I love women. I really do. However, collectively - they present their own unique set of logistical challenges for my linear - ready, shoot, aim - hulk smash - let's get moving......mindset. They have an amazing need to build consensus among the group before making a decision. They can get to indescribable volume in a nano second......truly incredible to behold......and I have seen it ALOT the last 4 days! As I have got to observe this wonderful group of chicks over the last few days it has become readily apparent that they are little bit hypocritcal.........because I can assure you that every dude reading this has gotten the "raised eyebrow" over their "boys will be boys" humor/jokes.......dude, women are just as bad - IF NOT WORSE - than we are! They like to laugh alot at fart noises, glitter applications, & strange cacti. Refreshing to see......I feel like I have discovered a whole different universe. Good times, indeed!
You want to know what I really love about women.....especially these women?
They take care of each other. They love each other. They express themselves......and cry alot....in a good way. They don't quit......they have each others back and aren't afraid to comment on each others backside :) I am so proud of these girls. I love their resolve and their willingness to get involved with a cause that is bigger than Tracy, bigger than Mitchell, bigger than all of us.......and getting "involved" meant a level of commitment, dedication, injury, and sacrifice of time greater than any of them had ever taken on before. Sunday was so wonderful..........because Chicks Win! Sunday was the culmination of alot of hard work and I got to see so many dear friends that I love accomplish things that I never thought possible. Those are the moments in life that make it worth living folks. They have made my life richer just by allowing me to be a part. Tracy is chief among these "little indians"......she has been glowing all weekend......and clucking over her "flock".
Girls - I always believed in you. I just never believed that you would run. You have shown time and time again that you love our family - that you love my Mitchell - and you have gone above and beyond with grace, compassion, & beauty during the last 3 1/2 years......................so I wasn't surprised that you would want to get involved with Team in Training to raise money for a cure. I am shocked, humbled, and so very proud of you. I love you all. You "kept fighting".....regardless of your time.......you finished this race and honored my son.........and did yourselves proud. Mwah.
Great moments on the run.......the "a-ha, thank you God variety"..........
* The entire group was recognized during the pre race event for their efforts....raising $200k leading up the the event. They all looked cute in pink!
* Sharing a little of Christ with race director....about our story, Mitchell, and "how we do it"
* Becky Cox soldiering through her marathon.....at her lowest point.....and seeing a penny....."a little hello from Mitchell".....and kept rolling.
* Jennifer Hodge carrying Mitchells picture in her hand every step of the 26.2 miles
* Amy Sanders patting Mitch's pic.....for "one more step".....
* Hearing all the Go Mitch Go's on the race course......so good to hear his name from others
Some last thoughts............
I'll take the "dry" heat of summer all day in PHX in exchange for a January like this. Amazing. Perfect. The entire trip has been framed by spectacular weather....and it made race day that much more exciting. Obviously, I was a last minute "addition" the Angel Running Club.......one lil' devil to add to the Angels.....but I wanted to be a part of this awesome event.....and I needed to do some cardio while I was out here anyway.
Our hotel is in the heart of downtown....great location for all the race events.....close to fun restaurants, clubs, etc.......a true contrast to the golf course that I played on Saturday. PHX is surrounded by some great mountains/foothills........and you have to drive out of the valley quite a ways to get to the course, Troon North.......and you can see quite a different view from way out there. That change to a higher elevation provides you with some perspective as to how far you have come to arrive at your current destination. The funny thing is.......while the downtown hotel location is very convenient for me/our group......after 4 days, I am ready to see......something other than the buildings that are in my immediate vicinity.......and block my view..........and hinder my perspective.
Metaphor.......so much of our lives (preaching to the choir) is fighting the temptation to "live downtown"'......convenient, easy, everything we think we need is in reach, hidden by our surroundings. Christ has called us to leave our "downtown" locations.........and gain some perspective on the journey. Getting to the hills takes time....it is frought with hard work.....it is very tempting to stay "conveniently hidden"......who wants to be on the hill where everyone can see you? Who wants to climb the hill when all of my potentials slips are available for all to see? What if I fall?
I can tell you friends, that I have lived my life downtown (more than I care to admit) and I have lived my life on the climb (not nearly enough).........and there is no question as to which is easiest.........and which is most rewarding. I am going to start climbing today.......for Christ has already shown me the path......marked with His precious blood.....and taking "one more step" with Him is truly all that matters in this life.
C'mon.........let's race. ~jwhit
12/01/2009 Angels all around us.......It's hard to believe that in 5 days Mitchell's Angels will be heading to Phoenix to finally run our marathon. However, it has been a different kind of marathon getting there........
This past Saturday, with the help of some dear friends, I hosted a pre-race pasta party for 40 of the 49 angels and their spouses. This was a small token of my gratitude.....just wish they all could have been there. As I prepared for this evening this last week and then as I stood in front of them to attempt to verbilize my gratitude for their support and hard work. I was overwhelmed with emotions. However, these emotions were emotions that at one point I thought I might not ever expereince again after Mitchell's death. I felt excitement AND joy all at the same time. I have expereince 'tidbits' of joy here and there, mostly from Meredith. But not excitement and joy together without the feeling of guilt following these feelings.
It has been a BEAUTIFUL journey with these precious friends. I have watched these women plan events, develop a cookbook(FYI we sold all1200 of them!)and do a variety of things to raise money. I have seen new freindships develop and grow, supporting one another along this crazy ride of mine. I have watched them physically challenge themselves each week, sacrificing their Saturday mornings to run in freezing cold and usually windy conditions. I have watched as those with physical issues have pushed themselves passed their pain/injuries to accomplish their goal. Many have shared with me that when they think they cannot run one more step they remember Mitchell and his courage helps them to continue on. I have watched these beautiful women come together as one to stand up for a cause. And in this world where it seems selflessness is no longer a part of anyone's vocabulary, they have given it a new meaning, they have made a difference!
For me it have been a ride I will never forget. Because for me during this time I have watched as God has worked in and through me, I have been blessed beyond measure. My friends have given me a wonderful 40th birthday gift of honoring Mitchell in a way I could not have done alone. Along the way I have been given another gift.......the gift of healing that only God can provide.
To my Angels.......my words will never ever be enough to express my gratitude. Thank you for joining me along this journey. I love each and everyone of you. May God bless you as you have me.
Please keep us in your prayers. The race is Sunday, Jan. 18th. Tune is next week for the post race entry.
Much love,
Tracy 29/12/2008 The sun wil come out tomorow.........Saturday night Meredith and I had the opportunity to attend the musical production of "Annie" in Fort Worth, Texas with Aunt Dona and Mike and Vicky and kids. It has been a long time since I last saw Annie and heard that familiar tune......"The sun will come out tomorrow......." Driving home today I couldn't get that tune out of my head. It got me thinking....how so many days this past year i just wanted my day to end.....i just wanted to crawl in to bed and hoped that tomorrow would be a better day, maybe tomorrow the pain would subside and my heart wouldn't hurt so much, maybe the sun would come out tomorrow. Well, some times my tomorrows were better and somtimes they weren't.
While I was drivning another tune came to my mind, this time a hymn(forgive me, but I cannot recall the name of it)......"for I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand. As I anticipate and look to the upcoming new year, I am not sure what my tomorrows will bring but I do know who holds them and will place my hand in His. 22/12/2008 Merry Christmas Family and FriendsDear Family and Friends,
I have discovered this year that keeping up with “traditions” is not the easiest thing to do. John and I have sent a Christmas letter/card for many years now. I remember how excited we were to send our Christmas card in 1997 with our new addition……Mitchell. This year we have struggled with sticking with our tradition of sending a picture. You see, last year we had taken family pictures right before Mitch passed away…..this year will be the first of many years to come without him in our picture. We have also, always written about each member of the family, this year it is hard not to include him so, I have decided to start with him.
Mitchell Mitchell in heaven continues to touch lives just as he did here on earth. His story of his courageous battle with cancer has been spread throughout the nation. John and I have become very involved with the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society and have set a goal to raise 1 million dollars in Mitchell’s name and to continue on with his dream to find a cure for blood cancers. Our Mitchell size hole remains unchanged. We miss him beyond words. But, we are reminded daily of what a wonderful gift from God Mitchell was and feel so blessed to have had 10 years with him.
Meredith It is hard to know where to begin with this one…..Meredith puts our feet on the floor each morning and brings joy to our souls with each breath that she takes. She is now in the 4th grade and ready for high school. She is in orchestra and plays the cello, we started the year off with the viola, but I guess it just wasn’t challenging enough. She is now in competitive gymnastics and is constantly upside down, flipping around the house. Meredith has decided that she wants to be a veterinarian and a hip-hop dancer so we have started taking dance as well. Like I said, she brings us joy with each breath she takes. J
John John started back with Physio Control in June. He has been very busy and is a hard worker. Meredith and I are glad that he works out of the house or we might not ever see him. He played on a city league baseball team this spring and takes every available opportunity to play golf when he can. We organized our first annual GO MITCH GO golf tournament this last October and look forward to it being even bigger next year. To my amazement he has not booked a snowboarding trip yet…..I’m sure there will be one (or more) scheduled soon.
Tracy I went back to work this past August. I am working for an outpatient clinic called NeuroResouces. We treat spinal cord and brain injuries as well as patients who have suffered a stroke. It is the most challenging job I have had in my occupational therapy career, but I believe God has placed me here for a reason and I am enjoying it. I completed my first marathon in June and will run my 2nd half marathon in January. I have gathered about 46 of my friends to join me for my 40th birthday in Mitchell’s honor and to raise about $150,000 for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. It has been an amazing journey and you can read more about it on our websites. In June I will become a coach for Team and Training, I am thrilled for this opportunity to be able to continue on Mitchell’s dream of finding a cure.
Mac Dawg May seem a little silly to include the dog, but in observing him I have learned something. When we give him a new bone he runs off to find the perfect hiding place for his “treasure.” We have found them in a variety of places in the clean laundry basket, under our bed covers in suit cases and most recently under the Christmas tree skirt. Watching this reminded me of a bible verse found in Matthew 6:19-21(The Message version).
“Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or worse stolen by burglars! Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moths and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is,is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.”
These last 15 months have been the toughest months of our lives, but we have learned that life here on earth is temporary, we know where our hearts are and where we want to end up when our time here is complete. Our prayer for 2009 is that we will keep our eyes and hearts heavenward and continue to seek God’s guidance for our lives. We are more than grateful for all of your prayers and support over these last years. Thank you for being the body of Christ to us. We covet your continued prayers as our journey continues.
We wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2009.
Team Whitaker 05/12/2008 Holidaze.........it is just the little things, ya know.Hey Friends,
I haven't posted here in awhile.........lots of work to be done as I start "hitting my stride" again with Physio. I will echo Tracy's sentiments in the previous post about "the second year being harder"........actually, I don't think there is any comparison. The obvious signs are there and you "live" it everyday - the empty room, empty seat in the car on the way to school, the quiet xbox and tv, no new songs on the "mitchell" iTunes playlist, etc. Every day is filled with those challenges as you fight to put one foot in front of the other and walk through the days without your son.
Those are difficult enough to deal with.....but that is the hand we have been dealt........and we shall play it out to the end.
However, it is the little things that take the wind out of your sails:
This was MItchell's favorite time of year......simply because he loved to be home with family. That became much more evident during his treatment.....any place other than the crappy hospital was at a premium......and home was a treat.
There is so much to be thankful for in this life..........in this story that I would have never written by my own hand........but there are still many days in which every breath I take labors under the weight of missing Mitchell.
Thankfully, Christ has showed us all the end of the story...............and that is what makes all of it worthwhile. ~jwhit
27/11/2008 Being thankful.....Someone had told me that the second year after losing a loved one was harder than the first. I had thought impossible....no way could my heart hurt any worse than it did a year ago. I had wished it would not be true. Today I am learning it very well could be true. Mitchell's absence has been so strong in our home these last few weeks and even more so today. I think last year at this we were still numb, Mitchell's death was still very fresh and we were running on "auto pilot."
Last week our Sunday School teacher challenged us to read Psalms 100 and if we felt lead to share other verses and things we were thankful for. In all honesty, I struggled with it and still am today. I do have so many things to be thankful for.........but my list of the things I am not so thankful for seem to be weighing heavily on my heart and mind. How can I be thankful when my son is dead!?
Thing is.......God has given us freedom of choice......I must make a conscious effort to be thankful and rejoice in all circumstances......like Paul was when he was in prison for serving Christ. I must not let my grief become chains that cause me to walk down a path of ungratefulness. So I have been working on my list of things I am thankful for......(i have shortend it so you do not burn your turkeys reading this...)
I am thankful for:
A God whose grace and love are suffiecient for even me.
A husband who loves me unconditionally.
A daughter who brings me joy each day.
Family and friends who have given us so much support that we will never ever be able to repay it.
The gift of Mitchell........my precious son. We will forever be grateful for the time we had with him and even more grateful that because of God's love for His own son, we will see our son again one day.
"Enter into his gates with thanksgiving and into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and bless his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation."
Happy Thanksgiving from Team Whitaker
12/11/2008 Soaring on 'Angels' wings"Yet, the strength of those who wait with hope in the Lord will be renewed. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and won't become weary. They will walk and won't grow tired."
I have a confession, I did not get up and run today.......my alarm went off @ 5am and I shut it off and rolled over. I just did not have the energy....I couldn't do it. This is after I have given my angels the talk on "just do it" because that's what Mitchell did. I have been more than overwhelmed these last few weeks and I am weary. My mind has been flooded with thoughts and memories of Mitchell. Maybe it is because every where I would go I would see his picture or hear his name due to all the wonderful fundraisers "Mitchell's Angels" have been doing. Which is great, but also bittersweet for me. I am excited about what we are doing, spreading the word about the number one childhood cancer and raising money to find a cure for leukemia and other blood cancers........but then I am reminded why.......
The "why" hit me about 27 minutes into my run on Tues morning, I do not nomally listen to my ipod when I run, but I decided I needed a little boost. A song came on that brought me back to 3 nights before Mitchell passed away. He had been pretty restless the night before so they had decided to try a sleeping pill.......needless to say just like many other times, Mitchell had the opposite reaction. My sister-in-law, Vicky, had stayed with me that night, John was in another room trying to rest after spending 3 days in ICU, nothing we did soothed Mitchell. I finally crawled up in bed with him, wrapped my arms around him, pressed my cheek to his and began humming any song that came to my mind. If I would stop, he would stir.....after about 30 minutes I was fresh out of songs and exhausted. I found John's ipod, I put one earphone in Mitchell's ear and one in mine, still laying with my arms wrapped around him cheek to cheek we both rested.........So 27 minutes in to my run Tuesday I hear a song that reminded me of that night and began weeping.....many people ask me how can I run 26.2 miles without any music.......truth is.....I can't run with it.
I came across the above verse this last week. Grief, I have found, can be very exhausting. I have 'waves' of weariness and I never know when it will hit, this week it has hit and I cannot seem to hit the pavement running. I am disappointed in myself.....after all I am "Charlie" I am the one making all these other girls get up at the crack of dawn and run. But as I read this verse I was reminded where my strength will come from. So, I will contiue to wait with my hope in the Lord and though I do not have any eagles near by at the moment to soar on their wings, I do have many earthly "Angels" that have allowed me to ride on theirs. Thank you "Mitchell's Angels" for all of your hard work and determination. We ARE making a difference one step at a time!
If you would like to join in fighting to find a cure go to mitchellsangels.com
We are grateful for your friendship and support, much love,
Tracy
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