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15/06/2009 Beginning the "sorting" processI knew this day would come....thought it might come sooner, also thought it might be easier if we waited....I have now learned after losing a child sometimes your thougths are way off....
Today I began the process of sorting through some of Mitchell's things. Meredith came to me a few weeks ago, after looking through Pottery Barn Teen, with a drawn out plan, down to the paint colors, of what she wanted to do with Mitchell's desk. First, let me give you some background on the desk. I found it at a garage sale about 6 years ago and I painted it just for Mitchell and put baseball and basketball knobs on it. He loved it and used it and I was so proud of it. I told Meredith that I would think about it......but after her asking me DAILY if I had thought about it I told her we could clean it out, but I could not paint it just yet and would think about changing the knobs.
So today the sorting began....actually I tried to do a little sorting yesterday with his shoes.......needless to say they are ALL still in his closet. I have "sorted" my kids things with them quite often so they know the routine. When we started Meredith said "Should I get a bag for trash." With a lump in my throat I said "Yes." with no intentions of throwing anything away. It took us 1 1/2 hrs and much strength not to cry and not to save every little thing. Who knew that throwing away a pencil would be SO hard, but its not the pencil, but more importantly the precious hand that once held it......oh, to just hold that hand once more....I am sure by now he would think he was too old to hold my hand. Speaking of holding hands this reminds me of another Meredith story. About 4 years ago, I had just picked up Meredith from VBS(Vacation Bible School) this was the year that Mitchell was first getting sick so he did not go to VBS. As we were getting ready to cross the street I reached down to grab Meredith's hand to which she replied to me "Oh I don't need to hold your hand I've got God with me." I explained that I knew God was with her, but God gave you a mom to also keep you safe.
 Today, she often reaches out for my hand.....I dread the day she will feel too old to hold my hand. How often I have thought I was too big and strong to hold on toGod's hand.........I was listening to my ipod the other day while running(and was again reminded why I do not listen to music and run) the song "He is with You" by Mandisa came on.....it brought me to tears and almost to my knees. Just a reminder that God has created a time for everything under the sun and NO MATTER WHAT we are going through GOD IS WITH US! Back in December 2007 I wrote an entry on Ecclesiastes things have changed a bit.....
"....a time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance....."(Ecclesiastes 3:4) I do not think our time for mourning is over and there is still many days of crying, but I do think we have more laughter or that we allow ourselves to laugh more......I have never had rythm to dance so that time probably won't come for me til Heaven
 "......a time to start looking and and time to stop looking, a time to keep and a time to throw away....."(Ecclesiastes 3:6) I feel it is time to put some things away...even throw away some things. It is SO incredibly hard. Lord, please give us wisdom to know what to keep and what to toss and the strength to let them go......even the smallest things....like a pencil.
".....a time to tear apart and a time to sew together....." (Ecclesiastes 3:7) The tear was so big I wasn't sure it could ever be sewn back together, but I do feel like the stitching has began. I am thankful that the stitches will be visible and the scars will always remain to remind us of our beautiful son and the great love of our Heavenly Father.
We completed cleaning out the desk I asked Meredith what she planned on putting in it. She replied "Oh, I don't know what I am going to put in it I just wanted to use the top." Enough sorting for today......
Please keep us in your prayers as we begin the process of sorting. Thanks for your continual support.
Much love,
Tracy
PS On the bottom of the middle drawer was sweet Mitchell's signature....what a precious treasure to find. TrackbacksThe trackback URL for this entry is: http://mgwhit.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!6D7F8AF6E70050C1!3444.trak Weblogs that reference this entry
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